My stomach is in knots and I am nervous.
“Why did you do this again?”
“Because this feeling of terror when allowed to simmer resembles joy. This bubbling anxiety is a fine reminder that you are alive.”
“But I am tired and not really in the mood to do this anymore. I just want to go home and sleep. I am not ready. I will get the B flat wrong. I will forget the words. I will look stupid in front of the teachers I work with, the parents and worse my students will think I am an idiot. I will embarrass myself.”
“Can you hear yourself? This is what you do. You model behavior. You act brave. You embrace the voice inside, even if it falters and is inaudible at times. You owe it to your students, you owe it to Kaia, you owe it to yourself.”
“I understand what you are saying, but siting here on the edge I need more courage.”
“There is no shame in mediocrity. There is no shame in trying and failing. There is no shame in getting it “wrong.” Just walk up on that stage, strum that guitar and sing your song.”
Thoughts on performances from past years, February 2006, May 2006, and February 2007.
If you feel like singing a song
And you want other people to sing along
Just sing what you feel
Don’t let anyone say it’s wrong
And if you’re trying to paint a picture
But you’re not sure which colors belong
Just paint what you see
Don’t let anyone say it’s wrong
And if you’re strung out like a kite
Or stung awake in the night
It’s alright to be frightened
When there’s a light (what light)
There’s a light (one light)
There’s a light (white light)
Inside of you
If you think you might need somebody
To pick you up when you drag
Don’t loose sight of yourself
Don’t let anyone change your bag
And if the whole world’s singing your songs
And all of your paintings have been hung
Just remember what was yours is everyone’s from now on
And that’s not wrong or right
But you can struggle with it all you like
You’ll only get uptight
Because there’s a light (what light)
There’s a light (one light)
There’s a light (white light)
There’s a light (what light)
There’s a light (one light)
There’s a light (white light)
There’s a light (what light)
There’s a light (one light)
There’s a light (white light)
There’s a light (what light)
There’s a light (one light)
There’s a light (white light)
Inside of you…
by Wilco
Bravo Jabiz! Bravo!
There are some many wonderful things in what you did. You took a number of risks (writing a personal song, deciding to perform it in front of peers and students, and then blogging it) – and by doing it, you showed that taking a risk isn’t all that awful. You were honest about your fears and did it anyway – others can read that, understand and relate.
You were inspiring. Your lyrics talk about something important and profound that your students relate to on *their* level. You spoke *their* language. You led by example.
I hated school. But I had a few inspiring teachers mixed in all those years of schooling. My Grade 7/8 classrom music teacher was an incredibly inspiring teacher who didn’t bother much with a traditional curriculum of classical music. My Grade 12 English Literature teacher was a humble surfer who was also passionate about literature and artful in teaching. Those are the teachers who’ve inspired me and taught me to love music and literature years after I’ve left school. Those are the people who taught me the importance of nurturing learners. They’re also the people who laid the seeds for me to be a composer years later, and work with writing and text and other things. If I hadn’t encountered them at school – who knows where I would’ve ended up. Certainly not here.
Thank you. You did a magnificent thing.
– Ian
PS: There are a couple of golden rules in Jazz, which crystalize many things about making art on the fly. “There are no wrong notes, only poor choices.” and “If you make a mistake, do it again, and people will think you meant it.” Those are great principles to pass on.
Have I told you lately that I’m glad you’re in my network?
There. Said it.
Thank you.
Thank you very much. Means a lot.
I’m so glad to see this– thank you for sharing! I’m facing my own moment of terror on April 1st when I read at my own poetry reading. All those thoughts racing through your head are clogging mine up now. But I’ll do it– thanks for the inspiration!
Hey Jabiz, I loved how you began your item for SWA Idol. You were the perfect choice to start the night and gave real meaning to it with your talk of just getting up and doing it – no regrets!
My brother introduced me to his favourite band, Wilco, a couple of years ago, so I sang along loudly at the end. My brother’s cats are named Wilco and Satine (from Moulin Rouge).
Also note that you use soundcloud. That same brother is a spare-time singer songwriter and I’m encouraging him to try soundcloud although I know next to nothing about it myself.
so very cool.
thank you.
I am a student at the University of South Alabama in EDM310.
What an inspirational blog! I loved the quote “Because this feeling of terror when allowed to simmer resembles joy. This bubbling anxiety is a fine reminder that you are alive.” It is such a deep yet simple thought. Sometimes you have to risk being embarrassed in order to reach your fullest capability. What a great message! You are very talented.
I’ve probably said it before, but your willingness to share and take risks and falter so publicly and transparently is a constant inspiration and a reminder of who I have to be to my students next year. When I get self conscious or worry about how I’m being perceived, I’ll think of this song and know my bumbling around and missteps are all in the name of learning.
Jabiz. You’re my hero! How brave and what a great way to reflect for your students. See… everyone gets nervous!! Nicely done.
Thanks so much, for the supportive comments everyone! It feels great to know there is such a supportive group out there. This has been a process for me and I am feeling better and better about. I think like anything it just takes time and practice to build confidence. I also think that we are all a bit scarred by the idea of success being defined as “great” or professional, but I want my students to understand that they can sing and be good just by doing it. They do not need to be famous or sell a million records, they simply need to sing for the joy of it. I feel in a way our competitive culture has taken the joy out of simply doing things.
Anyway, thanks again for listening and leaving comments. I sent out a tweet the other day that said “People think inspiration is difficult and profound, but it is really just honesty delivered passionately.”